I regret little, but in looking back I am disappointed at my not participating in a reflection project for 2011. That year was so excruciating and painful and joyful and liberating and full that it is very much a blur of change. I should have recorded some part of it - though a peek into my December Daily 2011 will certainly give an indication to why the project did not get completed!

I enjoyed participating in reverb10 which resulted in a beautiful blog, a wonderful keepsake album and a collection of incredible memories - fully recorded. For 2010, I will always remember where I was and where I was planning on going. I want to go through that same exercise again for 2012. This past year was equally worth remembering.

Not that I have an abundance of time this year, but I do have a great desire, so that will have to do! I have curated a number of prompts from many resources. Those I've selected can be found below as well as a few of my own, they have each been attributed as best I can.

17 December 2012

day seventeen | spark

prompt: spark

In your current life or context, what provides the spark for the future you want to create? Where do you see your future beginning? (Author: Me) 

+ + + + + 

I really think my dedication to my guiding word of 2012 - OPEN - has served me well over the last twelve months. Each time I’ve chosen to embrace it, no matter how intimidated or overwhelmed I was, the situation turned into something positive and challenging.

Essentially I have been open, with no expectation but a positive attitude, to any “yes” and any “no” I’ve received. I really believe that the spark going forward is the confidence I’ve gained over the last year. The knowledge that I am making the right choices for me, and my children. I have to say that it has been a rewarding experience – though a very cerebral event.

I’ve recently come to realize that in order to protect myself, I’ve evolved into someone pragmatic and heartless. Not mean at all, but not engaged outside of my head. I have built an impenetrable wall around my heart. My thoughts and decisions are made completely with head and instinct, no feeling or connection to anything outside of those people I trust, fully. I have removed the risk of being hurt. I err on logical – realistic rather than romantic; kind rather than dramatic; grounded rather than dream-filled.

It took 20+ years to get to this point in the evolution of me. I imagine it will take a similar number of years to melt those walls and change ingrained habits of survival.

Someday there will come a time to turn "open" inward instead of just outward.

There will be a day when I rediscover my heart, but right now, the spark I need to go forward into the next phase will be to stay open - continue to learn and explore, maintain a positive and fun-loving attitude and keep my children focused on their goals and keep them safe in the pursuit.

1 comment:

  1. enJOYing this still... thanks so much for BEing the "spark" for me, Lee!!